‘These are my friends. They died.’ –Michael Connelly, ‘The Burning Room’

She reached across her body with her left hand and Bosch tensed. But her hand went to her left wrist. She unbuttoned her cuff and violently pulled the sleeve up her arm. She turned her arm to reveal the tattoo on the inside of her forearm. It was an RIP list with five names on a tombstone. Jose, Else, Marlena, Juanito, Carlos.

‘I was in that basement when the fire started, okay?’ she said. ‘These are my friends. They died.’

—Michael Connelly, The Burning Room, Chapter 9

I honestly burst into tears reading this. The speaker is Harry Bosch’s new partner, whom he has caught in the files room reading up on the murder by arson of several children in day care. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like for my son to lose five of his buddies from Ms. Nuñez’s Pre-K class.

The parent’s nightmare is that your kids will have it worse than you ever did.

Grandmotherism

Another motherist piece here: Grandma can’t work as a babysitter for unborn child, mom cries, writes about it.

The commenters hit all the usual points: it’s unfair to the grandmother to expect this, old people are bad carers, relatives are the best carers, it takes a village, etc. What I found most interesting were the clues in the article that the old lady lived in Staten Island, and the kid lived on Long Island. Perhaps this would be more attractive to her if she didn’t have to drive along I-278 and the Belt Parkway every morning and every afternoon.

Daycare vs. Nanny

Day care wins hands down. Background here is this post to the local parent listserve:

Looking for advice on finding a good caretaker who is able to do backup care when the nanny is unable to come.

Referrals or tips on finding someone appreciated.

Alternately, does anyone drop their baby off at a daycare center for a day here and there? I’m open to it but worried that without it being a routine it would be super stressful to my baby.

I told the mama last September that she should send the kid to day care. To elaborate:

Much less paperwork. You are not hiring an employee when you send your kid to day care. I will not bring up the ethical issues of paying your employees under the table.

Provider’s sick days are not your problem. Same with difficulties getting to work. Bear in mind that the people running group family day care are not commuting an hour each way every day; they live right there on the premises. Your provider will be better rested and better able to deal with your kid.

No need to supply toys, books and other materials.

No need to keep your house clean. Outside normal tolerance, of course.

No need to develop a social circle for your child.

Meals and snacks may be included in the cost.

If you want to spend the whole day or a half day with your kid, the flexibility is there. You can’t send your employee home on a whim (bear that hour-long commute in mind).

Cost is less, too.